When I finally got pregnant...

I wasn't really even trying when it happened... it came by complete surprise... I found out for sure that I was pregnant on March 19th... it was the faintest of lines, but it was a line, nonetheless... I was pretty speechless... I didn't even really feel comfortable hearing Clay say "your pregnant" or "the baby"... the who?? Whose baby?? It was all very surreal to me...

It had been 36 days since the first day of my last period, and I had been testing everyday up to this day, trying to get a positive... the longest I had ever gone was 31 days... which was unusual even at 31... so when I finally got a faint positive, I was a gambit of emotions... "excited, scared, this isn't real, that line isn't really there, I wasn't even trying, am I even able to be..." It was crazy!! But, I was...

The next morning I woke up about 5AM in agonizing pain... I ran to the bathroom and I was (sorry for the squeemish ones) bleeding like crazy... I thought to myself, "I knew it was too good to be true..." I WAS pregnant, but I was suffering a miscarriage...

Clay didn't want to go to work that day, but I told him I'd be fine and sent him on his way... as soon as he was gone, I started feeling really anxious and scared... I should've known my hormones were going to start toying with me...

I called my doctor and went in to see her, only for her to tell me that I should go to the ER... basically I needed an ultrasound to make sure that the fetus was completely disposed of... Clay met me at the ER and I was in the worst pain of my life... let me tell you, miscarriages are very painful, even at five weeks (and 2 days to be exact)... my ultrasound came back clean which was a relief, so I got to go home and recover...

To be honest with you, overall I was okay with the whole ordeal... it was very sad emotionally for me, even when I think of it at this very moment, but at the same time, I was relieved to know that we COULD conceive and that maybe, just maybe it was finally time...

My hormones were crazy for like two weeks, and I had my moments (usually at night)... that seems to always be when things haunt you most... but I'm a trooper, and I believe in optimism... I was going to have a baby and it WAS going to be soon...




btw... that baby was going to be a little boy... I had an experience before I even knew I was pregnant, and I know it was a boy...